QUIET DOWN! Hear me out, people. When Alex Rodriguez played in the major leagues as a rookie, I loved the guy. Whether it was on the Mariners or the Rangers, he was amazing to watch. He was pure baseball. Then he joined the Yankees and I wanted a meteor to fall down from the sky and destroy him. You don’t even need to mention the whole steroids thing because frankly, who cares? Boston, we have heroes who used steroids too. For God’s sake, Big Papi took shit that was unregulated and he said he had no clue what was even in it. And he looked like a Grizzly bear that taught himself how to play baseball.
I hated A-Rod most during the 2004 ALCS when he went to run to first and literally slapped the ball out of Arroyo’s glove like an athletic debutante. I loved when he and Varitek fought. He came to New York and turned heel so hard, you were convinced he also killed puppies for fun. He oozed villainy and you were not shocked if his middle name was Slimeball.
But this is 2018. A-Rod now has J-Lo by his side. Sounds like two robots from Star Wars but they’re a god damn power couple. Alex is also, HONESTLY, the only tolerable person to listen to on the ESPN Primetime Baseball Broadcasts. Don’t @ me. We all know Jessica Mendoza sounds like your parents trying to talk about Game of Thrones with you, just stop! Matt Vasgersian sounds like the Progressive box puppet. A-Rod actually offers decent insight and not ho-hum-dum-dum commentary. Not to mention, Big Cat now makes A-Rod likeable and funny. But does he really need the help? Look at this tweet from him:
Dude, he’s funny. Does he know he’s funny? If not, even better! A-Rod is just a regular dude trying to live his best life now. Now, if I tried to present this to anyone in my family, they would block their ears, scream “YANKEES SUCK!”, boo me and then denounce me from said family. Just posting this blog might get me thrown down the stairs by one of my aunts. I didn’t even mention anything about my dad who will start answering my texts and calls with “What son do you speak of? I have no son.”