In this life there are a few things that I live for. My wife, my little baby girl who’s on the way, family, friends and last but not least, The Rock’s cheat meals.
Being a dude who takes his fitness pretty seriously, I understand that staying on point when it comes to your diet is key to your success. You can legit buy all of The Rock’s UnderArmor line from head to toe, but if you’re still crushing Lucky Charms at 10PM on a Wednesday night while watching My 600LB Life, you ain’t gonna see gains, brother! Furthermore, being an Italian has put me in the weird predicament where the slightest slip in my diet will put me on a downward spiral that has me eating leftover gnocchi for breakfast in shame while my wife sleeps in.
The solution to such behavior is the almighty cheat meal, and no one has perfected this better than The Rock. At times, I find myself eating vicariously through his Instagram posts. Not only does he go balls to the walls with his portions, but the quality is as top notch as you’d expect from Forbes’ Highest Paid Actor. Let’s also not forget about that fact that he’s an Instagram genius and makes sure that his food looks as desirable as a People’s Elbow in Madison Square Garden! Check these out …
This morning, as I was shoveling 1 1/2 cups of plain egg whites to my face, I saw that The Rock posted another cheat meal. THIS WAS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED TO TRICK MY BRAIN INTO THINKING THE EGG WHITES WERE FRENCH TOAST!! He put a little twist into this one as it was a two course execution of Dinner and Dessert broken out by time-frame. (Yes, I’m over-analyzing this, but whatever, I’m a wrestling fan, that’s what we do!) Anyway, Sushi was the main course, so I’ve pretty much determined what I’ll be having for dinner tonight.
As you can see, the portions were MASSIVE, so massive, that some roody poo candy asses in the comment section had the audacity to say that “there’s no way that he ate that all” or asking him “DID YOU EAT ALL OF THAT?!” … to that I say, KNOW YOUR ROLE AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH, YA JABRONI, of course he ate the whole fucking thing. He’s The Mother F’n Rock and when he’s not having a cheat meal, he’s eating plain ass cod and chicken for months at a time so that he can beat the piss out of some super villain in some Blockbuster hit that will break global records. So yes, he ate all the sushi … and then I swiped right.
BEHOLD! The Rock’s famous chocolate chip cookies with peanut butter to be smeared on each. Damn they look good … but then I saw something … as my mouth started to water I noticed one odd detail. I couldn’t quite shake it. As it turns out, the peanut butter in which The Rock was using was … organic? Like, I know peanut butter if high in fat, but can you really say it’s an #epiccheatmeal if you’re not going straight processed Skippy?
So this begs the question, is this cheat meal really a cheat meal for The Rock’s standards? Have I been led astray? Am I missing something in regards to peanut butter? Does organic creamy peanut butter actually taste better than overly processed Skippy? If I’m wrong, I’ll stand corrected and give myself a Rock Bottom or watch John Cena in the Marine to punish myself, but until then, I’m gonna have to be say that the verdict is TBD. Also, if by some stroke of God that The Rock reads this, I hope he takes mercy on me as I’m an Alumni of his YouTube Promo Contest, #RockThePromo. (That’s a shameless plug Mick Foley style).
So I leave you all with this question – if the idea behind a cheat meal is #DontCheatYourself, #TreatYourself, then why we tryin’ to be healthy by keepin’ it organic? Is this a party foul or do we just give The Great One a pass? Let me know.
… and now I’m starving.
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