Culture Sports

What An Absolute Fraud Rotten Tomatoes Is For Giving Space Jam A 38% Score

Now, normally I consider the scores from Rotten Tomatoes before I go to the movies or rent one. The Tomatometer is one of the biggest misconceptions on the internet. A high score doesn’t necessarily mean that’s how good the movie is out of 100%. It just means that percentage of critics that see that movie liked it vs did not. If anything, if you’re looking to just be entertained, go by the Audience score for your indicator. More likely than not, the audience score is more accurate and more likely you will enjoy said movie.

RT has always been a little off on some reviews. Take Enemy, the Jake Gyllenhaal movie. It got a 74% and Certified Fresh stamp. And honestly, it’s pretty fucking terrible. I will save you the time. It’s basically about a dude that finds his doppelganger and they switch lives and it all ends terrible. It also involves spiders and the ending is actually where things get interesting and suddenly one of the Jake’s pregnant wife turns into a giant fucking spider out of NO WHERE. Yeah, what the hell, guys. So that gets a 74% but Space Jam one of GOAT sports and kids movies gets a mothafuckin’ THIRTY SIX PERCENT??? Now, I am sure some Deadspin writer has already covered how all the movies we enjoyed as kids are actually shit and are full of plot holes like this, Mighty Ducks and Sand Lot. Hey, NEWS FLASH, they are FUCKING MOVIES FOR KIDS. Leave them alone! They have a family.

Space Jam wasn’t cool because of the terrible Looney Tunes. Most of those guys suck. It was amazing because of Bill Murray, Newman, The Monstarrs, Michael Jordan, Charles Barkley, Patrick Ewing, Mugsy Bogues, etc. Hey even Danny Devito! But above all else it was 1. entertaining AF 2. Lola Bunny awakened something in all the pubescent boys and had us asking questions about loving a cartoon female rabbit 3. Featured R. Kelly’s “I Believe I Can Fly” (I get a tear from that scene every time, not because it’s emotional I am just offended by any R. Kelly music, am I right ladies?) and 4. it closed the darkest chapter in 90’s sports: Michael Jordan leaving the NBA for MLB and then coming right back like a boomerang. THANK GOD.

So Rotten Tomatoes, you can have your 38% score and shove it. I will thoroughly enjoy this movie as a national treasure until Lebron comes along and makes the very shitty remake which will make so much money.

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