Ahhhhhhh … misery enjoys company and welp, that’s me when it comes to professional sports, so when I saw that Germany get KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT of the World Cup after winning it 4 years ago, I couldn’t be happier.
The taste of German tears is just so damn good right now. They’re salty with a hint of entitlement. I’d even go as far to say that they taste even better because I’m still bitter that this World Cup is absolutely irrelevant to me with both the United States and Italy out … cuz I’m Italian, bro! COME AT ME! Also, I’m not gonna sit here and pretend I still watch the games, I’m just not. If you’re team is out, you’re out. That’s how it goes. I don’t want to hear this “I really do like soccer” garbage. So Germany, guess what, you’re just like me, only worse. You had high hopes. You were a powerhouse. Now you’re just a bunch of nobodies that have to wait 4 MORE YEARS!
Just look at these faces! I LOVE IT …. GIVE ME YOUR TEARS! FILL UP YOUR BIG STUPID GERMAN BEER MUGS WITH THEM!
Just look at this case of characters from left to right … Let’s examine who’s who?
- You got the woman on your left who looks like she’s more interested in voodoo than soccer.
- The guy with the ski helmet who looks like he’s taking a shit (he could be).
- You got the guy in the middle who probably talked everyone’s ear off during the match and explaining that “they must know something that we don’t” (in German of course).
- Moving to the right you have the frat bro whose entire summer of World Cup is totally ruined and now all the epic nights with his German Bros is gone and donzo.
- And then lastly, the guy you have to worry about. This fuckin’ dude is about to make everyone there look sober. Pilsners all … night … long. Definitely waking up in a German drunk tank, if they even have those.
Ahhhh how I love all your pain and suffering. Remember, if I can’t be happy … no one can.