Culture Sports

Debate: How Long Would It Take You To Say YES or NO ESPN’s “The Body Issue”

To my knowledge, no one is knocking down my door for me to be featured, but that doesn’t mean I can’t run myself through a little hypothetical action to get the blood flowing on a Monday, am I right?

I think when the Body Issue first came out in 2009 the general public was super curious as to how it would be done.  Like, how much of the body do we get to see featured and what parts exactly?  Well, Serena Williams cleared that up immediately for everyone.  Being a woman who is a an absolute physical marvel of beauty and power, she kind of took everyone back if you ask me.  I sure as hell was.  After a few years it became the norm.  We knew what to expect, so the only question left would be WHO would be selected.

Which brings me to the question: If YOU were the person who was selected, how long would it take you to say YES, NO or would you be a little freaked out by it?

Personally, I’d be apprehensive initially, but not because of the issue being available for everyone to see, but because I just think the photo shoot is super freaken awkward.  For example, I’m a cubicle dude, so they’d legit be like, “Ok, take your clothes off and hold this laptop in front of your balls … and smile!“.  Now, maybe it’s different for these athletes because they’re used to being on a national stage, but I just think it’s funny knowing that when you show up to the shoot that everyone and their dog is going to see EVERYTHING you got.  You then gotta stand there and get in all these different positions for however long.

In this latest issue, we got Charlotte Flair doing her signature move, The Figure 8.  Here’s the tweet with image in the TOP LEFT …

… and they had her keep the boots on while doing it.  Like, why?  It’s throwing me off, you see what I’m saying?!?

I don’t care what ya say, that’s kind of awkward.  And that’s where I get tied up.  Again, it’s not about everyone buying the issue or viewing it online, it’s about the process of showing up, getting naked and then being directed to strategically place inanimate objects over my privates.  And remember, not all these people are models.  They’re not asked to pose and wear close to nothing.  They’re athletes on a ball field, not a runway.  This may not be their comfort zone per se, but maybe that’s also why they take the plunge.  LET’S GET A LITTLE FREAKY, WHY NOT?!

What I will say though is that push comes to shove I think you gotta suck it up and do it no matter what, because if you don’t do it and people find out then they’re gonna think you’re like Roman Reigns hiding under his tactical vest … WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU HIDING UNDER THERE, ROMAN?!?!  YOU BEEN HITTING UP THAT LATE NIGHT SOFT SERVE ICE CREAM, HAVEN’T YOU?!?!

Also, if you’re asked, do it now, because it’s only a matter of time before someone complains or makes this a social issue about body standards and blah blah blah, no more fun for anyone because everyone hates everything.   So do yourself a favor and take advantage of it while you can.

Long story, short, I think It would take me 24 hours and an approval from my wife once I tell her how much I’m being paid to do it.  Without the money, I think my goods will be saved for her eyes only.

Follow me @NickVacation on Twitter

 

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