Pro Wrestling

Dolph Ziggler Told Us To Write A Blog About His IC Title Win Last Night, So Here’s My Blog

Hey Dolph, my name is Nick and I’m responding to your suggestion on last night’s Monday Night RAW to write a blog about your Intercontinental Title win against The Nickname Slayer, Seth Rollins.  Here’s the clip I’m responding to …

First of all, congrats on the win.  I gotta say that considering wrestling is the 5th best thing you do, that it’s quite impressive that you were able to get the roll-up victory on Seth.  I personally loved the pulling of the tights.  Very heel of you (I’m a mark).  And I think it goes without saying that despite Seth’s ability to burn things down, he certainly couldn’t keep your shoulders down … or your hair.  I mean, just look at the sheer volume here …

dolphhair

What do you use? Herbal Essence? Paul Mitchell?  Suave?  I assume it’s not Got2Be since that more of a Zack Ryder thing, but I digress.

As for the match’s fallout, I saw that Rollins invoked his rematch clause last night.  Now, as a fellow Crossfitter myself, I’m gonna warn you that Rollins is definitely going to incorporate kickouts into his Crossfit routine moving forward.  That’s just what us Crossfitters do.  We see a weakness and we need to address it, even though the majority of us work at a desk all day and eat from Europa Cafes 3x a week.  Anyway …. back to Seth!  Now you’d think someone who is referred to as “Crossfit Jesus” would be able to use his superior functional movements to avoid losing the coveted Intercontinental Champion in such embarrassing fashion, but I guess not.  In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if right now he’s on a foam roller practicing hip flexer movements to avoid the 1-2-3.  WOD: Kickouts For Time! 

Did I mention I do Crossfit?

As for you, Dolph, I’m happy for ya.  I’ve always told people that when he’s not getting kicked in the head by Jack Swagger that Dolph Ziggler is one of the best in the business.  It’s almost criminal that you haven’t been joint at the hip with the Intercontinental Championship all these years, especially since your ring gear compliments the title’s colors so elegantly.

From a storyline perspective, I hope this means more great things to come for you and Drew.  Just win all the damn titles, I don’t care.  I personally love you two calling out everyone in the back.  You actually used to do that all the time, but now you have this big scary Scottish dude doing it with ya and it’s almost impossible not to listen to someone with that accent … THE WINDS HAVE CHANG…. woops, that’s Wade Barrett.  Ehh whatever, Christmas Come Early For Dolph and Drew … LET’S GOOOOO!

Lastly, just wanted to say that I’ve become a huge Motley Crue guy because of your guest appearance on Talk Is Jericho about a year ago.  By huge of course I mean I downloaded their greatest hits on iTunes and that’s all I listen to, but whatever man, GIRLS … GIRLS … GIRLLLLSSS, am I right?

I hope you don’t lose next week, but if you do, I promise I’ll write a blog complaining about WWE Creative and explaining how taking the belt off Seth made no sense. I’ll also make sure to use markish buzzwords like “50/50 booking” and so on.

Follow me on Twitter @NickVacation

Bon Voyage, Bro!

 

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