Culture

Halloween Is Coming Back For Its 29th Installment

Michael Myers is BACK which means someone is getting stabbed and it’ll probably be a smokeshow babysitter.  That’s the spoiler, but here’s the trailer to catch you up to speed.

I’m fully aware it’s June and that Halloween is months away, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a sucker for this franchise.  I can remember years ago being a little fella in my bedroom and telling my Mom I was gonna watch “Halloween”.  She warned me immediately that it wasn’t a funny movie, but that it would keep me up at night.  I of course ignored the advisement of my mother and started watching.  Within 15 minutes I had the lights on in my room and was clutching my pillow because Michael Myers is what we at BadForBrand call ONE BAD F’N DUDE!  In fact, I definitely checked my closet 3 times a day until I was like 16 years old.

The mask, the outfit, the walk, all of it.  Michael Myers has had more comebacks than The Undertaker.  So there I was, young and dumb,  thinking it’s gonna be a funny Halloween movie and the next thing I know he’s stabbing motherfuckers into oblivion.  I was scared shitless, but addicted at the same time.  I think after that I watched every “sequel”.  I just couldn’t resist the rollercoaster of emotions it brought me on,  the hightlight being of couse being that you always got to see some boobies, especially in Halloween II during the jacuzzi scene, so that was a plus at least for being a young fella.

Also – quick side bar, but you gotta think that if you were a babysitter in Haddonfield back in the day that the going rate would be doubled after Michael’s first stint of sheer terror.   Oh, You want me to watch your kids on Halloween?  Okay, that’s $1,000 per hour.

Now, the last time I checked in on Michael Myers he failed to kill LL Cool J, who played a campaign security guard, but then proceeded to get his head chopped off by the Scream Queen Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween H20: 20 Years Later.  You’d think that would have been it for the actual Boogie Man.  Apparently we were wrong .. DEAD .. WRONG, because Michael Myers is back and his sister Lorie Strode is straight up looking like a psycho path as she’s been preparing for his inevitable return for what’s gotta be another 20 plus years.  That’s dedication right there.

In the trailer, it looks as though ol Mikey is locked in a psych ward with a bunch of other lunatics.  He somehow escapes (shocker) and only has one thing on his mind, which is to kill his bitch of a sister, Laurie Strode.  You’d think it being 2018 that they’d be able to set aside their difference and work this out #LoveIsLove and all that other bullshit.  Ya know, they do say time heals all wounds, but I guess you can still hold a grudge if that wound was your sister chopping your head off as your begged for her help as you were crushed and held down by a tree.

headmike
Heads up, baby bro!

All things considered, I think I gotta root for Michael this time around.  I mean, Jamie Lee Curtis is getting up there in age and Michael’s been taking a beating over the last few movies.  It’s time for him to get his so with that said, I’m All In on Michael this year.  Let’s kill some bitches.  Happy Halloween and Bon Voyage, Bro.  Sleep well …

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