Because they are so awesome. So I am headed to my second stag party this week. Let’s back up for a second. I just found out about stag parties back in March. My best friend and college roommate got married in May. Cinco De Mayo to be exact. His brother and the other groomsmen mentioned how they always have a stag party. To further explain, I am from Massachusetts so stag parties are non-existent here. I mentioned going to this to a co-worker and they asked, “Is your friend 55?” No he’s not but apparently in New York, Pennsylvania, Connecticut and a few other states, this is a normal event leading up to marriage. Otherwise, the last stag party anyone had was back in the 1980’s.
All I knew was: you buy a ticket, your drinks and food are paid for, you can win prizes and you can bet money on the dice wheel and a 50/50 raffle. Oh shit. I was IN. Plus for the most part it’s an excuse to drink and be a buffoon with your friends and it’s NOT frowned upon. The only downside is these parties are typically at a VFW or Knights of Columbus…not the best but whatever, does it really matter? As long as you have a DD, this sounds like a supremely amazing idea. Not to mention, the bride and groom get a lot of the money made that night after paying back the venue, the food, drinks, etc. Huh? Are you fucking kidding me??? You get money on top of your wedding gifts. I am sold. More importantly, why am I not running a professional stag party business? Alas, I am on the path I chose.
So you drink, converse, eat, gamble a little and everyone leaves happy? Perfect. The scariest part of the whole event is when the buffet is announced ready and 150 elderly Italian, Irish and Polish men push to the food table like a frenzied horde from The Walking Dead. You’re not safe and need to CLEAR the room. Or they will steamroll you and then shake their fist at you. And then once the prizes are given out and the raffle is over, the place clears out and it’s down to the closest friends and family to get the future groom absolutely shithoused in two hours before he leaves. My buddy is 120 pounds soaking wet and 5′ 10″…oh he got dismantled. Put him out of commission almost for his actual bachelor party the next day. Also, you probably get to see the future father in law or father act like Will Ferrell letting loose in Old School.
So I say to you men…if you’re going to get married, do a stag party AND a bachelor. Oh and don’t confused this with a Jack and Jill. That shit is terrible and you should never be a part of one.