Culture LIFESTYLE

The Movie Hereditary Sounds Beyond Horrifying And You Couldn’t Pay Me To See It Now

So I saw a Ringer article this morning basically explaining that if you go to the Hereditary movie Wiki page, you can read what the whole movie is about without actually seeing it but still get spooked the hell out. The Ringer article also goes on to say “Oh, are you a huge pussy and can’t handle a fake story on a large screen? Well, just read the summary, you giant baby.” And guess what? It’s still pretty fucking terrifying even with just words.

I’m not a horror fan but I love seeing how much I can handle. I have actually seen an extraordinary amount of scary movies even though I am not in to that genre. It’s sick and twisted, I know. I force myself to visually endure a nightmare. It’s kind of my own adrenaline junky-esque approach. I eat, sleep and drink movies and a part of that is trying the stuff you don’t typically like as well. If you’re a foodie, you got to try it all, even the stuff that you’re not typically a fanatic about. Dabbling in variety creates a bigger appreciation for your comfort zones and favorites. I think it’s the same with everything in life. Trying different perspectives and avenues can make your brain tick differently, look at things from different angles. I think your imagination is one of the most neglected pieces of the mind. Horror movies are these hidden trinkets full of imagination that once in a while, you got to dip your toe in. Even if that toe, gets bitten off by a metaphorical creature in the metaphorical water.

So that being said, I read the Wiki page even though I was properly warned. And I have to say, I really wanted to see this flick at one point. But now…I’m good…I’m GOOD, man. Kids getting decapitated, people set on fire, possessed by a demon king, floating dead bodies…ALL SET. It gives me flash backs to other times I went against the advisory of others and watched these types of movies anyways.

Junior high: The Exorcist was re-released into theaters with digital remastery. My dad said I needed to go see it. I almost puked on myself halfway through and I just left during the exorcism scene. My dad was super disappointed in me and my mom thought I was scarred for life.

High School: Me and two buddies watched The Ring in a pitch black basement when their parents weren’t home. The scariest part of that movie is the actual Ring video and that’s at the BEGINNING of the fucking movie. You just spend the rest of the movie thinking “I hope to fucking god I don’t see that shit again.” Then we stayed up all night playing Rock Band and half weeping until the sun came up.

Right after college: Me and my roommate and best friend watched Paranormal Activity in pitch black during a storm. After the movie, we all were just yelling obscenities, locking every door and window. I decided to just sleep on an un-inflated air mattress in my buddy’s room. Scariest part is he’s a funeral director. And he was scared so I had no reason to NOT be scared at that point.

So Hereditary, you sounded good like the Double Down from KFC, but it’s going to be a hard pass from me. Even the trailer is beyond horrifying. PUKE.

PS this is being heralded as one of the scariest all time. You have been fucking WARNED.

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