HAHAHAHAHA! Fuckin’ genius, man. I tell ya, I got a small spot in my heart for Pete. He’s a funny dude and as it turns out we both went to same High School in Brooklyn, so ya know, we gotta look out for our own. So when I read this news on the ol’ Twitter gimmick I couldn’t help but think disaster. As a man who got married in his 30s, I know how precious your 20s are. It’s a time to let loose, go crazy and do shit you’ll never do again. It’s not something you just giveaway for something dumb like marriage. So when I saw that Pete got engaged to Ariana Grande after 2 weeks of dating I couldn’t help but be skeptical … but then it got me thinkin …
What does this fucking guy have to lose other than Ariana Grande? I mean, she’s a super attractive female artist who is a global celebrity, mega talented and above all, stinking fucking rich. He also is a celebrity and one of the more well like dudes in “Hollywood”. So fuck it, why not, right? Worst case scenario she breaks your heart, divorces you in a few months and you signed a pre-nup. You’re home free, single again and she doesn’t need or want any of your money cuz she out earns you by a bazillion dollars AND you’ll be able to say you were married to Ariana Grande.
AND THAT’S THE WORST CASE SCENARIO.
Best case scenario is she falls for the ol’ puppy love and doesn’t make you sign a pre-nup. Then you go from well off funny guy to millionaire over night … AND YOU WERE MARRIED TO ARIANA GRANDE.
I almost can’t hate this move. I mean sure, our youth are dumb …real dumb. Getting dumber by the minute. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, the more technology we develop, the more connected to our phones we are, the DUMBER we will continue to become. We are devolving under the guise of evolving to the point that people are losing friends over Facebook threads. Celebrities are even more susceptible because it doesn’t take a lifetime to hit it big anymore. Everyone is one YouTube or viral video away from being an internet celebrity, getting a boatload of unlimited cash, which will eventually lead to boredom and bad decisions.
So to Pete and Ariana, I wish you the best of luck in your future together. I want you to know that I’m rooting for you. Marriage is hard. It’s a sacred vow, so make sure to take this shit seriously. And if you don’t, well who am I kidding, I’ll just laugh at your expense a little because as we all know, from death do us part ain’t no joke unless you’re in Hollywood.
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