Is Someone Eating An Orange Like An Apple A Complete Psychopath?

The answer is yes 100 times over. I have a list of commandments when it comes to food and this is a cardinal sin. I mean it goes without saying. “Hey, please don’t do that.” I witnessed a co-worker doing this and I wanted to record it so so bad basic it’s almost terrifying to witness. I have since reported them to HR. I won’t be surprised to see their desk being cleaned out pretty promptly. I once ate a banana, peel and all, for a video but I did it as a joke. I either think based on the following behaviors that I can’t trust you, you must be a freak and lastly, you may murder me at some point.

-See title, don’t do that guys just why?

-Eating pizza, bone-in wings, pickles with a fork and knife (here’s looking at you Mitt Romney)

-Oranges and bananas peel and all is one level of psychopath, now eating a watermelon rind and all is next level shit. Kiwis are punishable by death.

-You put tartar sauce on anything

-Your butter to toast or cream cheese to bagel ratio favors the condiment. Get out, you beast.

-Unless you’re Rocky or a pro bodybuilder, no one drinks raw eggs. If you don’t look like a movie action hero shredded out of your mind, it is just a bad look.

-You eat prunes under the age of 70.

-Eating cereal in a bowl with no milk

-Putting ketchup on buffalo wings or steak

-Eating steak anything above Medium

-Eating donut from the top. Come on.

-Eating a piece of a muffin or donut and putting it back. Fuck you.

-Cutting your corn off corn on the cob. Just use floss and napkin, or a wet nap if you’re a complete toddler. Grow up.

-Putting ice in your milk. AKA how most Millenials drink their coffee, ice milk with a splash of actual coffee.

-Eating a taco or sub sideways. A hot dog sideways, now that’s some Charles Manson shit. Burritos…just never talk to me again.

-Back to fork and knife shit, eating clams, oysters and shrimp fork and knife unless it’s pasta related, go home.

-Eating popsicles with your front teeth. Actually popsicles in general, I need a firm, fair rebuttal to convince me anyone about 14 should be eating these or it’s not related to wisdom teeth/tonsil removal.

This list can probably keep going which is the sad part. Stop going against the grain with eating foods guys. Unless we are regressing in evolution just stick to the standard techniques. Don’t get cute. Then you might be de-friended by everyone. Blacklisted by family.


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