BREAKING: Zack Ryder is officially turning heel after years as a babyface. Sources (my eyeballs) have confirmed this via Instagram where Zack Ryder has been seen posting photos of a brand new haircut. That’s right broskis, after years as a white meat babyface, he’s officially abandoning the “Take Care, Spike Your Hair” style in lieu of a haircut that you’ll only find in New York City’s douchiest bars. We’re talking 13th Step, The Ainsworth, 230 5th etc… (if you’re not from the metro area, just hit that google machine up).
Personally, I’m a huge fan of this move by Zack and as someone whose been a supporter of him since the Long Island Iced Z YouTube Series, it’s quite refreshing for him to take this step towards his next goal, which in my opinion, is to be taken seriously for a change. It has always perplexed me as to why the WWE wouldn’t take a guy with one of the best looks in the biz, who is legit jacked, who’s entertaining and do something meaningful with him. It never made sense … that is, until now. As it turns out, maybe I was looking at it all wrong. Maybe it wasn’t WWE’s opinion that was holding him back, maybe .. just maybe .. it was … the hair.
Just look at the other WWE Championship title holders with spiked hair. The first guy that comes to mind is Jack Swagger, who had the absolute worst haircut a grown ass man passed the age of 28 could ever sport. This is as bad as it gets, people. Swagger is a legit amateur wrestler, but in all seriousness, how the hell are we supposed to take him seriously when he comes out in a singlet lookin’ like he’s straight out of the movie Can’t Hardly Wait? (great movie by the way).
The other guy is fellow broski and friend, The Miz, who had a solid title reign in my opinion. It was quite enjoyable, even if it was just the backdrop to Cena/Rock. His hair however, it was more Atlantic City Harrah’s Pool Party guido, as opposed to Zack’s Long Island/New Jersey version. You gotta think that if it was slick back that he would have never lost the title. Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda …
You see what I’m saying? The proof is all there. It’s either been long locks like HBK or shaved balled like Stone Cold. That’s the way to go if you want to be THE GUY (cough, Roman).
This is why I knew when I saw Zack starting to grow out his locks that it could only mean one thing – Heel turn and title run, LET’S FUCKING GO! I mean, it’s so easy to hate a guy with a haircut like that. Look at the swoop to one side. Look where the part starts! This screams heel. It’s madness! On top of that, he’s now rockin’ suits in these photos AND he likes cats. AND NOBODY LIKES FUCKING CATS. Like if you’re a dog person, you’re a babyface. That’s easy .. but cats? Nah, that’s an asshole right there. Big time.
See ya at the top, Zack. Bon Voyage, broski.