BRANDING Culture

Worse for Brand: This FBI agent’s dance moves or having a loaded gun in a club?

Yikes. I cringed before I even started playing the video when this was first reported over the weekend. I have a LOT of questions.

-WTF is this dude doing? What is going on? I mean what are those dance moves. I think people were standing in a circle because they could not get over how terrible his mechanics are. Kind of doing the robot, maybe break dancing, maybe stripper routine? I have no idea!

-Is the back waistline of your pants the go-to placement of your concealed government-issued gun? Also loaded? Strong. Strong all around.

-I am assuming this guy was drunk or high [it was in Denver] to not remember he had a loaded gun in the back of his pants. Also the backflip on the dancefloor in public is 1000% a drunk dance move. Actually wasn’t even a backflip it was basically a poorly done one into a handstand? That just tells you it was ill-conceived.

-FBI has to be just ashamed. “Who? That guy never worked here.” *FBI shreds all files and proof of this dude’s employment. Shreds his SSN and Birth Certificate too.* “Nah, I don’t think he’s even a citizen.”

-On that note, going out was ill-conceived. I mean the girl to the right seems interested and surprised by his moves but then the gun drops out during the botched back handspring flippy thing. Immediately…WHAT AN IDIOT faces from everyone. Some people go to run, which I guess yeah that’s smart but did they think the gun was possessed and shooting everyone? Nope, even worse those dudes were definitely this guy’s friends. Were* his friends.

-The reaction of the backflip breakdancing agent 069 to his safety being off is so delayed. “Oh hey my gun! Forgot about that–oh shit…OH SHIT!”

-His reaction to the gun firing and yes that hit someone in the leg, was basically sort of a mix between “My bad!” and “Hey hey hey guys, I am just minding my business, not me.” “Guns kill people guys not people kill people so not my fault.”

-While putting his hands up saying “hey guys, my B come on,” he also snakily sneaks off the dancefloor like “Hey, maybe no one noticed the gun thing because of my dance moves.” “No one is going to remember that, those guys were cool….this is going to be bad.”

goingtobebad

-It’s 2018, man. Everyone has a phone filming all the time. I assume I am being filmed right now and if something humiliating happened, it would go viral…I don’t know how it’s even possible but it would happen because that’s the world we live in. And you’re IN THE FUCKING FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION. You complete FRAUD. Is it that easy to be a federal agent? Do they give guns to administrative people too? If this dude still has a job today, he must know where Jimmy Hoffa’s body is buried or have incredible family ties or blackmail on someone.

This guy is THE jag of the month. It’s not up for debate. Good night, sweet dancing not so secret agent man.

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