Sports

Top 5 Reasons J.R. Smith Didn’t Try To Score Last Night

So damn typical.  But should we be surprised?  Absolutely not.  This is J.R. Smith we’re talking about.  A guy who doesn’t believe in wearing shirts.  That’s who.  In case any of you live under a rock, last night The Cavs were 4.5 seconds away from taking Game 1 from the heavily favored Golden State Warriors.  Tied at 107-107, George Hill missed the go-ahead free throw and J.R. Smith came down with the offensive rebound with an unattested look at the basket.  After that, he dribbled around the court aimlessly for 4.5 seconds while everyone who hates the Warriors screamed at him from behind their TV sets to either shoot, pass or call a fucking timeout.  None of the above happened.

It fucking sucks.  I hate the Warriors and their primadonna asses, but regardless of my feelings, they’re up 1-0 and we’re stuck wondering what the fuck was going on in J.R. Smith’s head.  After a decent night’s sleep, I’ve come up with the 5 potential answers.

#5. He Actually Did Think They Were Going To Call A Timeout

NO FUCKING CHANCE … but this is what he said post-game, which makes zero fucking sense, because if you knew that before the damn free throw, you would have called it yourself.  Also, there’s 4.5  seconds left and you were literally 1 foot from the rim and no one had enough time to react if you wanted to drop it in for a layup.  I call ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT on this theory.  You also know when someone is bullshitting when they try to backup common sense with stats, in this case, how many blocks Durant had apparently.  “He already had what? 4 blocks?  I wasn’t trying to be the 5th.” … Nah, dude, you weren’t thinking.

#4. He Thought He Was Still On The Knicks For A Second

Now this is something I can get behind.  Ya see, contrary to the Cavs and Lebron, the Knicks don’t actually want to win basketball games.  So maybe he got confused by all the blue in the arena and thought he was back in Madison Square Garden?  I wouldn’t put it by him, I mean, as a 32 year old Knicks fan, I, myself am traumatized by watching this franchise.  It takes it toll and has been known for reoccurring long lasting effects.  Maybe J.R. is starting to experience some of those symptoms?  I dunno, I’m no Doctor, but I have watched Forrest Gump and stupid is what stupid does.

#3. He Wants LeBron Out Of Cleveland So He Can Be The Leading Scorer

I doubt LeBron is staying anyway, but if there was a sliver of hope that he would, the Cavs would have to beat the Warriors and win the NBA Championship again.  J.R. clearly saw this Game 1 win as a threat and decided to take matters into his own hands.  I mean, anyone with a brain knew that the Cavs were going to lose once OT started.  That game had to end in regulation and J.R. Smith made sure it didn’t.  My guess is that he doesn’t like that he can’t shoot on every possession and LeBron’s ability to score at will has worn thin.

#2 He Was Traumatized By Javale McGee Being Rejected By His Own Basket Earlier In The Game

In what was my wife’s personal favorite part of the game, Shaqtin’ A Fool Hall Of Famer, Javale McGee found a way to get rejected by his own basket at point blank range.

It was so hilarious that tears started to roll down my face.  I think spent the next 9 minutes watching Shaqtin’ A Fool highlights on YouTube.  I’ve never been so happy in my life.  I imagine though that J.R. took notice of this and it reminded him of how embarrassing it is to be on Shaq’s radar.  One day you’re in the Finals, the next day you’re #1 on a YouTube compilation of embarrassing basketball plays.  Well guess what, J.R., even though you tried to avoid it, you STILL be SHAQTIN’ A FOOL last night.  SHOOT THE BALL, DUDE!

#1. He Wanted To Go Viral

This is honestly where my money is.  In today’s day and age, everyone is clamoring for those likes and retweets.  J.R. Smith is no different.  He knew that if he puts that last bucket in and the Cavs take Game 1 that everyone would overlook his offensive rebound/put back and only talk about LeBron James and his greatness with another 40+ point game in the NBA Finals … blah blah blah … But what about J.R.?!?!?  So what I’m thinking is he decided to flip the script in the most crucial part of the game and rather than win and have LeBron steal the glory, that he’d one up The King and shoot straight to the #1 trending topic in America.

That’s all I got.  However, there is one person that doesn’t need any explanation and that’s the sports Pope, Mike Francesa.  I leave you with this beauty …

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