People, at the end of the day, you have to remember JR Smith is JR Smith. There’s no REAL surprise there. He’s pulled an absolute boner moment which could have closed out Game 1 for the Cavs. Complete utter tattooed boob.
With that being said, we probably yell at our TVs like that on the regular with every day television shows. I do, all the time. Here are the Top 5. Yes, this is going to be revealing for what I watch on the regular and probably, more than likely my Man card will be taken from me.
5. My 600 Lb Life
Now I don’t really watch the show all too much. I just feel bad thinking about the folks who end up on the show. Go check out Nick Vacation’s blog on Dr. Now…well right now. He tunes in a lot more but every now and then I dabble and well I am always captivated. Mostly by the sheer gluttony and continuous spin cycle of lard these folks find themselves in. I’m not here to roast these people although I’m sure the word roast would really set them off. It’s watching these people (some really can’t help how their bodies are) just go back to eating the same ol’ terrible shit. “Dr. Now said no more fast food.” 2 hours later. “Here’s three number 5’s supersized for you…and a side salad.” NO. God damn it.
4. Biggest Loser
Surprise! Not really. More fat people just falling into the same patterns. Especially when the coaches try to trick the contestants with temptation aka their food vices. “Nobody eats these cupcakes I am leaving out on the counter.” 1000% guaranteed every damn time, without fail (well technically), at least one contestant is seen in night vision sauntering in to the kitchen and then just running a train on desserts. “Jeff. How are you going to tell your wife and 4 kids you gave up on them and want to die at age 45???” The contestant then cries and then goes to the gym the next day to work out an unrealistic 8 hours and sweat out the consistency of bacon grease…and not the turkey bacon kind. Shout out for National Donut Day, guys!
If you have never watched the show, there’s now plenty of seasons to binge on with a total whopping SEVEN. And every single, damn one you will spend at least half of each season yelling “CARRIE, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?” Death, taxes and Carrie screwing something up. It’s a guarantee. Bet the house on it. Whether it’s Carrie screwing up with her kid, a mission, relapsing, her meds or having sex with a dude with conflicting interests, she does it. It’s an art but makes you either have a heart attack or brain aneurysm every episode.
2. My Lottery Dream Home
Yes. This is on HGTV. Yes, go ahead take my man card. But honestly, give this show a viewing or two. It’s on every Friday pretty much 4-6 episodes each week between 8 and 11 PM EST. This hits frustration on multiple cylinders. First, you have bumbling bumpkin people who have some ridiculous story of winning the lottery. Anywhere, typically, from 1 million to 200 million dollars. I have seen no less than 50 episodes and all over the spectrum. Once in a long while, you get a couple or family with their shit together that gets a great house but doesn’t bust all their winnings on it. Good. Well, the other 90% of the people either spend almost all of the money or almost none of it. One guy obsessed over a house with 7 bathrooms and a second floor his 22 year old daughter could have to herself. 7 bathrooms, WTF, do you have life threatening IBS? Or a family with 5 kids and they only want 3 bedrooms. WHAT? Someone will win 128 million dollars and set a 300K budget for a house. HUH? What are you doing? Are you going to snort the remaining 127.7 mil? “I just want to leave some for our kids and grandkids.” Do you have 2000 of them? Believe me, there will be plenty. Also ADOPT ME. CHRIST. YOU’RE RICH, DO SOMETHING. Buuuuut, on the other side of that, there’s always a couple that will win 1 million and want a 1 million dollar house and you can tell they are already living above their means. Showing up to the viewing in new fur coats for the whole family, talking about buying new cars possibly a sports team. Yo, it’s 1 million not 1 billion slow your roll. Your family will be in shambles in 6 months anyways. Good luck.
Yup, it’s not up for debate. Without a doubt, the most frustrating show on television. Most of the people who go on this show are PROFESSIONAL chefs and cooks. PRO-FES-SION-AL. I know there’s a time limit and it’s fast paced but every episode there’s someone who does one of the three pillars of death: 1. cutting yourself, 2. forgetting a basket ingredient or 3. serving something raw. Sure there’s a plethora of other sins like leaving twine on a roast, forgetting to remove a shell or stems, not doing anything special with a basket ingredient, or even serving something burnt. I have seen some bonkers moments like getting absolutely NOTHING on the plate (yes that really happened) or finishing wayyyy early only to realize their dish was effed up. Chopped Junior is easily more frustrating to watch because a. they’re kids b. kids have obscene levels of confidence and c. most are freaks or absolute dicks. Between the judges, Ted’s terrible everything and the stupidity of the contestants, you typically find yourself screaming and swearing at people looking like complete jagaloons.
Honorable mention: Wheel of Fortune, Price is Right and Family Feud. These are all a given with the stupidity of people on full display. I think this is pretty straightforward and no surprise there will be knobs on these shows.
And no Walking Dead, doesn’t make the list. It’s zombies, people. People are going to get eaten and do dumb shit when the world is basically over.