Culture LIFESTYLE

Cockroach Milk Is The Next Big Super Food. In Other News…NOPE.

Watch the video if you dare HERE

Just no. NO. Stop. And before you say anything else about this, SHUT UP. That is a hard pass from me. Don’t even think about it Whole Foods or any trend hipster coffee shop. “Oh, for your milk in your coffee, do you want skim, whole, soy, almond, coconut or cockroach?” “How about none ever.” Imagine someone asking “Would you like me to leave room for cockroach milk?” “Why don’t you just die?”

Don’t you want cockroach milk? Literally everyone:

Image result for noooo the office gif

Apparently, our friends, the god damn Australians, have started this “fad.” If the goal of drinking this is to puke, to then lose weight, I get it. I already started and I have only thought about it. According the Buzz60, it tastes just as good if not better than cow milk. FALSE. Fake news times 1 million. In other news, I just puked again. But I will power through this blog for you guys. Whoops, just vomited again.

Ok so cockroach’s have crystals in their body that can be broken down to get the milk. Huh? What gypsy witchcraft are we talking about now? The rats of the insects’ butt magic crystals? WTF is going on? What’s next rat poop replacing chocolate chips? Sorry, puked for a fourth time. Supposedly, this bug juice has 3 times the nutrients, protein and health benefits as normal milk. Look, I love my protein intake as much as the next overgrown man child but lines need to be drawn. Imagine coming home, kiss your wife on the mouth and she says, “Hey want some cockroach 2%? I just had a glass.” “HOW DARE YOU KISS ME AFTER THAT! GET THAT DEMONIC LIQUID OUT!” This shit will rip families apart. This is like step 2 of 12 before the world ends, guys. Good luck! I will be hiding in my bunker.

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