LIFESTYLE

Leaving Room For Milk Is Embarrassing, You Might As Well Chug Estrogen

I love caffeine and think sleep is for the weak minded.  I try to live my life like Vince McMahon minus the billions of dollars and highly questionable storylines involving my family.  One thing Vince and I do have in common is that we view sleep as the enemy.  I believe that when I’m sleeping, I’m missing something. I have what the kids call “FOMO”.  My competitors might be up.  They might be working.  I can’t have that.

I crush a minimum of 2 cups a day, plus energy drinks and pre-workout if I workout … or what us real bros say, “train”.  If you ain’t feeling the jitters in your finger tips, you ain’t livin’.  At this point, I have a headache when caffeine isn’t FLOWING THROUGH THE VEINS ala The Ultimate Warrior.

So this is why I’ll never understand the pathetic and irresponsible approach to ordering coffee. Why would you EVER leave room for milk and deprive yourself of EXTRA caffeine?  That energy is your kid’s tuition, their college fund, vacations with the wife, crushing it at your job and so on.  Also, for those of you that have a lack of self respect…. WHY WOULD YOU EVER POUR FREE ENERGY INTO A GARBAGE CAN TO MAKE ROOM? I just don’t get it.  You paid for that, now you throw it away?

To quote the great Mike Ditka from the cult classic Kicking and Screaming, “Coffee is the life blood that fuels the dreams of Champions!

And I know what you’re thinking “But I don’t like the way it taste …”

Dude .. be a man, be an ALPHA, SUCK IT UP and take a BIG GULP of that gift of energy the good Lord has blessed upon you … then you’ll have room for milk.  Throw some cinnamon in it , a splenda, some nutmeg, some C4, make it fancy, I don’t give a shit, but do not waste those extra hours of sleep for no reason.

If you’re still not convinced to change your ways by now, please ask yourself … would Stone Cold Steve Austin throw away free beer?  At the minimum, he’d let it smack him in the face while he’s giving the bird to 100,000 screaming fans.  The answer is no, he wouldn’t.  In that case, you should have the same respect for coffee, especially if you’re a 9-5er and not the most popular and highest selling professional wrestler of all time.  So the next time you enter a coffee establishment, make sure you tell that beta Barista to FILL THAT SUM BITCH TO THE BRIM AND LET IT OVERFLOW AND THAT’S THE BOTTOM LINE BECAUSE STONE COLD SAID SO!

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