We are looking for talented, hungry players to join a fan first, innovative and progressive new league, the XFL!
Please submit your information below as we begin preparations for our inaugural 2020 season.
You know how when you get out of college and have no idea what the fuck you’re doing so you just start going to every corporate website you know and start filling out every application under the sun? … Yep, this is no different, except instead of saying what internship you had, you need to state what position you played, your accomplishments, social media presence, the school you attended and the best part, you have the chance to write an essay describing your college and/or playing experiences.
I mean, you gotta think it opens the flood gates for a group of bros doing a power hour in a shitty New York City apartment to all be like … “Dude, we can all be on the same team, it’ll be awesome! .. Hey Dave, remember when we finished 1st in Greek Week?!?”
You also have to fill out “Why are you passionate about playing in the XFL?” … uhhh, because I didn’t make the pros and I’d rather not spend my glory years in a cubicle creating pivot tables?
Seriously, I dunno who exactly is going to be “passionate” about playing the XFL specifically. I mean, the XFL is well known to be one of the most disastrous ideas in history. It’s not like someone is going to proclaim that they want to be the guy to bring the New York/New Jersey Hitman back to glory or that they want to follow in the footsteps of Tommy Maddux.
P.S. I’d love to be the intern in charge of sorting through all of these guys and determining who’s a fit?
Intern: Hey Vince, what’s the criteria we’re looking for?
Vince: God Damn, Pal! … ANYONE, DAMMIT!