LIFESTYLE

Some Dingus Called the Cops on a Pig in Ohio

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A man in Ohio realized the downside of bringing home the bacon when a pig wouldn’t stop following him on his way home early Saturday morning. Police in Elyria, Ohio, say they thought the unidentified man must have been drunk or hallucinating when he called for backup after failing to shake the swine.

The North Ridgeville Police Department said they received the call at 5:26 a.m. Saturday morning. Upon arrival, they discovered the man, who was totally sober but still being followed by the pig near the city’s Amtrak station.

Let me start by stating that I love pigs. I think they are adorable. I think those little ones are awesome and want one as a pet. I wanna swim with them at that place all the inta-thots go to get klout for their accounts so they can get that sweet, sweet, skinny tea skrilla. That’s why I’m so perplexed by this man’s decision to call the cops on this pig.

If this were me, I’d be making plans for our future together as hero (me) and trusty side kick (Sir Oinks-A-Lot, which is what I would name my pig. betcha didn’t think i thought this out that far now, didn’t ya). We would be struttin on down the road, picking out troughs for the new piggie dining room, going over color schemes for the barn, selecting the finest hay money can buy for the floors. You know, standard good pig raising practices right there. Teach him to understand commands like a dog. Hell, maybe even get him registered as an emotional support pig so we can fly to exotic pig locales together. No chance my pig rides with the luggage like some average oscar mayer pig. Sir Oinks-A-Lot is pure class. He sips champagne when he’s thirstayyyy, UGH (RIPIP Biggie).piggy

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