Culture

My 600lb Life’s Dr. Now Is One Badass Dude

If you think you have zero tolerance for the victim mentality, you clearly haven’t watched the show, “My 600lb Life”. It airs Wednesday nights and stars none other than the LEGEND of no nonsense gastric bypass surgery, Dr. Nowzaradan, A.K.A. Dr. Now, A.K.A. “Mr. You Are The Enabler” A.K.A. “At This Rate You Will Not Make It To 40“.

“How ya’ll doing?”

This dude flat out does not give a shit if you’re 3 weeks away from eating yourself to death, he’s not gonna tolerate your obsession with simple carbs for even one second.  Ya see, Dr. Now doesn’t care if you’re immobile or not, bottom line, he isn’t gonna be taking his 140 year old ass to go see you. YOU are gonna have to walk, drive or fly to Houston.

Oh, and don’t try and bullshit Dr. Now either.  When the dude puts you on a 1200 calorie, low carb/high protein diet, you better be sticking to it. AND definitely don’t roll into the weigh-in 2 months later when you were supposed to lose 50lbs in 2 months and claim that you “don’t know what happened” when the scale reads a 13lb weight gain.

Dr. Now will be sure to let you know that you ain’t foolin’ nobody, especially not the most gangsta bypass surgeon in the game.  He’ll tell you that you’re “delusional” and that you’re not taking this weight loss stuff seriously.  To add insult to injury, he will savagely go out of his way to remind you that you’re not gonna make it to 40. So you can either start eating dry ass chicken for the next few months or get to digging your own grave.

The savagery does not stop there.  Not only is the person weighing 600lbs on Dr. Now’s shit list, but whoever’s in that waiting room with them is as well. Why you may ask?  It’s real simple – that person is who Dr. Now refers to as the dreaded “enabler”.  They’re just as guilty as the person whose been stuffing their faces for the last 20 years.  You bring them their food, so you might as well be charged with their murder.  That’s just how the cookie crumbles, bro.

Honestly, I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather disappoint more than Dr. Now.  Not even my own parents.  When this guy opens the door and you see that clipboard and his slick dyed black hair, you know it’s game time.  There is no grey area in Dr. Now’s world.  It’s black and white, life and death and both are in his hands.  If you disappoint him, you won’t be getting approved for weight loss surgery, which means you’ll be regulated to a short lived Beta life, when all you needed was to lose 50lbs in 1 month to be on your way to becoming an ALPHA.

TLC. Wednesday Night.  8PM EST.

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