Pro Wrestling

BREAKING! The Author’s Of Pain Have Writer’s Block, Thus Explaining Their Absence

It’s honestly not something to laugh about.  Writer’s Block is serious, especially when it’s your profession.  Over the past few weeks wrestling fans across the globe have been wondering where the monsters from NXT have been since they debuted on the main roster.   Concern continued to mount and answers were no where to be found as RAW after RAW concluded.  Congo lines?  Plenty!  Author’s Of Pain? ZERO!

Initially I thought that WWE Creative just didn’t know what to do with two monster dudes who look like they’re straight out of a video game, but then I realized that can’t be the answer because it’s not like WWE’s creative team to butcher the presentation and creative arch of can’t miss characters …

… said no one ever.

But then it dawned on me.  THEY’RE AUTHORS SILLY!  It’s writer’s block, clear as fucking day!   The block is every author’s worst nightmare.  It’s essentially the inability to produce or come up with ideas to put pen to to paper, or in this case, show up for a show you’re paid to be on.   You gotta feel for Akam and Rezar.  After all, this is definitely bad for their brand and publishing company, Monday Night Raw, no question about it.  You can’t go calling yourself an author while in developmental (NXT) and then crack under pressure when it’s time to get published on the main roster.

If you think about it, it’s kind of ballsy to call yourselves “The Author’s Of Pain” when the WWE has produced multiple New York Times Best Sellers, most notably Mick Foley who LITERALLY was an author of “pain”.  I mean, when’s the last time Akam or Rezar got thrown off a Hell In A Cell, hmmm?  Oh that’s right, it hasn’t happened.

So after extensive research and looking up how to spell their names on Wikipedia, I determined that writer’s block it is.  They’ve realized that if they don’t actually start writing books and crushing skulls for real that they’ll be called out and exposed as frauds.  And for anyone who doesn’t think this is serious, I challenge you to plagiarize someone else’s work while attending college.  Back in my day, you could get away with it, but in 2018, they’ve got technology and shit to cross-reference past work!  FUCKIN’ PG COLLEGE ERA BULLSHIT if ya ask me!  I blame Kevin Dunn!

That’s a guaranteed “F” or Incomplete, which is gonna be the Last Chapter on your G.P.A., believe that.  As for the Author’s Of Pain, it could mean pre-show matches against The Fashion Police if they’ve not careful.

Writer’s block …  Bad For GPA.  Bad For Brand.

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